Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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