Having a random hookup so left but love u
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
