what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
