a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I love you.
Bad choice
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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