How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
