He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
