remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
