enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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