He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize