Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
