I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
