the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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