i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
