O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
