Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
