It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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