We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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