If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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