Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
