On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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