Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
