i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
