i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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