I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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