3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
