I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
