She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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