When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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