The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
