Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
