i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
