ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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