Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
