I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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