She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
