dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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