you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
