oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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