So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize