Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
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