3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
