I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
