she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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