new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
