How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
