I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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