i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
