I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
