The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
