I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
