I'm gonna have a badass scar
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
