So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
