My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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