I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
