At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
