Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
