I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
