so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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