Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
