a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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