My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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