just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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