You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I understand Curling. That high.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
