The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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